Feedback That Matters
Negative feedback can make us bitter or better…you get to choose.
By Susan Kuehl
One of the biggest challenges we see in organizations is the struggle with communication. More specifically, regardless of size or industry, the number one type of communication that is the most difficult is giving and receiving direct and meaningful feedback. This is a problem as feedback is a requirement for engaged and productive cultures and positive leadership impact.
Feedback is the fastest way to accelerate learning, guide development, and increase engagement. Why then is it the least utilized form of communication in the workplace?
There are three main reasons:
The word feedback has a negative connotation, usually associated with criticism or ineffective performance development.
Our biological wiring means we avoid conflict and confrontation.
We do not take the time to practice and use this skill intentionally.
Let’s walk through how to combat each. Feedback is simply a conversation that has two intentions: To reward positive behavior and redirect undesired behavior. If there is any other motivation, it is not feedback. Reminder…conversation implies two-sided, as meaningful conversations include both parties listening and sharing.
We now know that being able to give the most well-crafted, direct, and meaningful feedback means nothing if the receiver chooses to disregard it. So it makes sense to understand how to leverage the dynamics of receiving feedback. The power always lies with the receiver.
Our biological wiring urges us to avoid the possibility of harm. Instinctively, we scan incoming information for possible harm and protect ourselves, which happens every time we receive feedback. Years ago, when we were concerned with becoming prey, it was a useful construct. Now the only harm that will likely befall us is the fear of being judged by others. It is merely protecting our ego and the need for emotional safety. Deep breath: we are all wired up to be defensive and not receive criticism well. The good news is that it's possible to override our DNA and rewire our brains. It takes intention and consistent practice.
The way people respond to feedback can vary widely. If we aren’t aware of how the people around us prefer feedback, we’re starting with a much lower chance of giving meaningful feedback. How do we find out? A novel concept called asking. Seriously though…ask.
The 50/40/10 rule tells us that 50% of how we react to feedback is hard-wired into our DNA, 40% is because of the story we tell ourselves about the feedback, and only 10% is because of the actual feedback. If only 10% is because of the feedback, we have a massive window for improvement in how we receive and in how we intentionally give feedback.
Feedback lies at the crossroads of two critical human needs: the desire to learn and grow and the need to be accepted unconditionally. This makes feedback loaded with emotional tension, which is why we avoid it.
Silence is one of the harshest forms of feedback because it allows for a host of assumptions. The story our brains fill in about the lack of feedback can be detrimental.
Without a strong feedback structure, employees begin self-regulating and end up being more critical of themselves, their work, and their colleagues. Or, they fall into the opposite spectrum and assume they are performing optimally, which creates a negative environment that stifles creativity, motivation, and productivity.
The skill of direct and meaningful feedback will categorically:
Increase engagement
Remove the need for traditional performance management
Build and stabilize trust
Be the source for learning and growing
Promote clarity and alignment
Amplify motivation and performance
When you shift your way of thinking intentionally to asking for feedback and using it as fuel for growth, something remarkable happens. You begin to enjoy feedback. When you start to look at praise and criticism as information about the person giving it, you can be curious about the feedback. This profound and straightforward shift will dramatically change the speed at which you grow.
For all my hard stats people:
83% of millennials say the feedback that they get from their managers is not meaningful
77% of HR execs say performance reviews don’t reflect an employee's performance
65% of people say they don't get enough feedback
69% of employees say they would work harder if they felt their efforts were recognized
92% of people feel negative feedback is effective at improving performance
30% of performance reviews end up decreasing employee performance
A feedback culture doesn't just happen. It must be implemented and fostered. If you’re interested in experiencing the dynamic changes that an open and curious feedback culture brings, give me a shout.