We rely on Clifton's Strengthsfinder to understand workplace dynamics. As we've used these concepts, it has become abundantly clear that inside each strength is a shadow that lives and breathes too. This relates loosely to Carl Jung's definition of the shadow in psychology. Wikipedia says, "It is important ... in understanding one's own more inexplicable actions and attitudes ... and for learning how to accept and integrate the more problematic or troubling aspects of one's personality.

Here are two examples:

Achiever: This theme is all about drive-constant, relentless drive and accomplishing. A lot, all the time, and without caffeine. That sounds fabulous, so what's the catch? The drive never turns off-not on weekends, not when sleepy, not on vacations, not when colleagues/family aren't keeping up. It is so normal for them to go at continuous full-speed, they forget that it isn't normal for everyone. They get tired and want it to turn off, but mostly because it causes conflict with the ones they care about or work with, not because they can't keep up the pace. Because they can.

Ideation: This strength is all about, you guessed it, I-D-E-A-S. A concept that pulls all the dots together and forms it into a loose blob. In fact, the sun does not set for this person if an idea has not brewed, percolated, and been poured out of them. Once the idea is out-they are sated. Again, it sounds great, right? Who doesn't like amazing ideas? Well, can you imagine what the Achiever might do with this person after about a week of an endless stream of ideas? Throw their hands up in frustration-nothing is getting done! In fact, eventually the Ideator also get frustrated and turn off the ideas. They have become tired of their unrealized ideas as well.

So what can be done to tame the shadows?

• Learn all you can about your talents, including the shadows. Embrace whatever self-awareness assessment(s) that works for you. Hang on to results from assessments, or nuggets of knowledge you find out about yourself. Journaling can be good for this. If you have Learner, Input or Analytical, beware of analysis paralysis or the black hole of information.
  
• Rest it. If you find that one of your strengths is tipping you over (or making your relationships difficult), engage another one for a time. Let the troublesome talent go dormant-it just needs to rest for awhile. This will give you some space from it. You'll then be able to assess how and when you want to use it again. This is an iterative process-don't expect brilliance the first time back.
  
• Balance them all. Realize that this one talent is just one part of you. As you go into each day, understand which parts of you needs to be front and center, and which parts might be able to hang back.

Note: We keep a stockpile of Strengthsfinder 2.0 in our office. Drop by to pick one up and to get to know your strengths (and shadows).

Creating and maintaining good personal boundaries is challenging. People who have good boundaries are respected and understood more readily. Good boundaries management is being responsive to life, not reactive and defensive. Boundary violations are often missed because they aren't seen; they are felt, and often created most often by our loved ones.

Some common boundary violations are: sarcasm, unsolicited criticism or advice, jokes at your expense, derogatory remarks, aggressive behavior, taking advantage of kindness, being late and wasting your time, teasing, indirectly implying or inferring, interrogation, intimidation, and guilt tactics.

When your boundaries are violated, you may experience headaches, a pit in the stomach, a racing heart, a lump in the throat, or heavy sighing. Use your body as an indicator to how you're feeling when someone oversteps into your boundary.

Changing how you communicate will make a world of difference in asserting your boundaries. Be straightforward and inform the person that their behavior is harmful to you. "When you show up late, you are disrespecting my time." State what you need and ask for change. "I want only constructive criticism."

People violate boundaries because they are trying to get your energy. To avoid this, be neutral and calm. Keep your tone devoid of sarcasm or anger. It drains your energy to become over emotional and the other person gets what they want. Remove yourself before you react. Be clear that this isn't about confrontation and that all matters can be settled in kindness.

Eventually people will know your boundaries and they won't try to manipulate you. Repetition is important so don't give up or let your boundaries down even once. Admittedly, this can be difficult, especially at first. Practice this visualization exercise: You are a train, even keeled and moving through life in a steady, honest and kind manner. You have the ultimate responsibility to keep the train on the tracks.