Creating and maintaining good personal boundaries is challenging. People who have good boundaries are respected and understood more readily. Good boundaries management is being responsive to life, not reactive and defensive. Boundary violations are often missed because they aren't seen; they are felt, and often created most often by our loved ones.

Some common boundary violations are: sarcasm, unsolicited criticism or advice, jokes at your expense, derogatory remarks, aggressive behavior, taking advantage of kindness, being late and wasting your time, teasing, indirectly implying or inferring, interrogation, intimidation, and guilt tactics.

When your boundaries are violated, you may experience headaches, a pit in the stomach, a racing heart, a lump in the throat, or heavy sighing. Use your body as an indicator to how you're feeling when someone oversteps into your boundary.

Changing how you communicate will make a world of difference in asserting your boundaries. Be straightforward and inform the person that their behavior is harmful to you. "When you show up late, you are disrespecting my time." State what you need and ask for change. "I want only constructive criticism."

People violate boundaries because they are trying to get your energy. To avoid this, be neutral and calm. Keep your tone devoid of sarcasm or anger. It drains your energy to become over emotional and the other person gets what they want. Remove yourself before you react. Be clear that this isn't about confrontation and that all matters can be settled in kindness.

Eventually people will know your boundaries and they won't try to manipulate you. Repetition is important so don't give up or let your boundaries down even once. Admittedly, this can be difficult, especially at first. Practice this visualization exercise: You are a train, even keeled and moving through life in a steady, honest and kind manner. You have the ultimate responsibility to keep the train on the tracks.

At Consilio we have found This Year I Will... by M.J. Ryan to be an easy read and also very helpful for our clients. It is a self coaching tool that focuses on changing habits, making goals, and keeping a vision of what is truly important in the forefront of your mind. We use two exercises from the book with our clients that help them support their change in habit or new goal.

The first exercise is very simple. Write on a small piece of paper (business card size is best), "2008 is the Year of ________________." Then fill in the blank with one or two words. Keep it somewhere you will see it every day! Your word might be ultimate health, balance, financial freedom or focus. It's what you seriously want to work on, because you can't work on everything at once. Have smaller ideas in mind for how you are going to make this year all about your goal.

The other exercise we use is "Your Future's Calling...". In this exercise you write a letter to your current self from your future self describing what your life is like after achieving your goal. You can give your current self encouragement, congratulate yourself and thank yourself for all your hard work and dedication in achieving the goal. We encourage clients to write freely and positively and be specific. "You have three new bathing suits and you love to wear them to the pool to show them off." We find it to be very inspiring and powerful because it comes from within, but at the same time, it takes you to a new, very happy place. It really is like reading a letter from someone else, and that person is the most fabulous person imaginable. It's you!

On a plane, the flight attendant instructs parents to put the oxygen mask on themselves first before their children.

Self care is the same thing--in order to help others, you have to first take care of you.

We aren't trained to think of ourselves first before others because this is selfish. I was struck by a suggestion in Thomas Leonard's top 10 keys for attracting great clients. "Become incredibly selfish! Yes, it's ironic, but as you take care of yourself, manage your time, your space, and your life well, you will have more to give and more to share. If you want more clients, take extremely good care of Client #1."

Extreme self care is consistently doing what keeps your engine going and is imperative to being successful and well balanced. Do you wake up refreshed, get enough movement in your day and make healthy food choices? Life balance includes rest, fun and activity; time away from responsibilities; and time playing with passions and hobbies. These things restore and re-energize us, but it takes a shift in your mind and possibly a schedule change.

Today, create a small list of things you can do to put yourself into the Extreme Self Care mode. It can be as simple as drink more water, go to bed earlier, leave work on time or create better boundaries. Post your list where you and others can see it. Tell a good friend or partner about your change. Remember, this is not selfish behavior; it is self-empowering and the best service you can give your clients, family, friends and community.

For your business' sake, and your family's sake, you simply must be the #1 priority in your life.

Is "making a living" actually killing you? Does your job feel like a downward spiral into a fragmented life with broken relationships? Do you spend more than you earn? Millions of Americans are wheeling around in this vicious cycle. This book teaches how to get out of debt and save money; value life over material possessions; match your values to your livelihood; and help the environment while saving money.

Dominguez and Robin have you start by calculating exactly how much you make per hour. Consider all the time and money you spend on work (prep and unwind time, commute, clothing, meals). Track EVERY single dollar you spend, and convert those into hours of life energy. Example: You find that you actually make $5 per hour. Take the amount you spend on latte's per month ($60) and divide that by your hourly income. That's 12 hours of life energy!

Does the fulfillment you get from that life energy fit in with your vision and life's purpose? Spending money only on things that make you truly happy will make your job feel more rewarding because you increase your quality of life.

The "magical" step occurs when capital income surpasses your monthly expenses. At this point you are financially independent and will no longer need work to live. Fulfillment will come from doing what you most innately desire. The key is to become a knowledgeable and informed long-term investor. The authors encourage you to have faith in yourself and to use common sense when investing.

This book breaks the commonly held assumption that you must bring in a six-figure income in order to enjoy life to its fullest. Simplify your existence by only trading life energy for things that truly bring you happiness and contribute to your purpose.

Preparing for tax-time can be severe. Trying to estimate what I will owe, I decide it's best to go with worst case scenario. No magic wand in hand, a number is picked from the sky. Amazingly I've overshot my estimate by quite a bit, or so says my accountant. Oh, sweet relief. Two weeks later, dismay takes over as the final report arrives, and it is to-the-penny the same amount as my random, what-do-I-know number.

I decided to do some research. The Tax Breakdown Project explains that more than thirty major departments and their sub-departments, such as Agriculture, Education, Transportation and Veteran Affairs, are beneficiaries of my hard earned cash. In other countries, Denmark for example, everything is paid for on the government's tab including healthcare, education, and elderly care. They hold the record of the heaviest tax burden in the world. The Danish car buyer pays a registration fee of 180% plus a 25% VAT (value added tax which everyone pays on ALL goods and services) for a total of 205% tax on top of the cost of the car. In addition, his income is taxed at 68%. Maybe the salaries in Denmark even out the cost of living. I don't know. Godt, tak. Nej tak. That's Danish for, "Well, thank you, no thank you."

I wrote out my checks to Uncle Sam with gratitude this year. Thank you for the national parks, for my children's education, and the roads that enable me to travel.  Thank you for taking care of our veterans and their families. Go to a VA hospital. This system is far from perfect, but it doesn't give us an excuse to blow off additional community needs. I sign, insert, lick and stick and it makes me feel pretty good.

Mail is a huge source of paper clutter in the home and the office. It comes in and piles up on landing zones such as your desk, kitchen counter, or coffee table.

What if you could stop much of your mail from even making it to your mail box? Recycling junk mail only solves half of the problem. Production of mailers, catalogs, and advertisements accounts for the destruction of 100 million trees each year. In global warming terms, it's equivalent to 3.7 million cars.

Reduce your junk mail by following these simple tips:

1. Eliminate 70-80% of your junk mail by removing your name from using the Direct Marketing Association's opt-out. Go online to the Direct Marketing Association's website to see how to get this done now and in the future.
   
2. Contact the credit bureaus to reduce the automatic credit card offers sent to you: Equifax, TransUnion, Novus & Experian.
   
3. Don't sign up for "Free Drawings". And be sure to select "no mailings" when purchasing from companies online, by phone or from catalogs.
   
4. Write or call companies on catalogs and promotional items that you no longer do business with. Have your exact mailing label in-hand when you speak with them or send it in with your written request.
   
5. Refuse and return first class mail if you don't want to receive it. If any items say any of the following, you can return it to the sender: return services requested, forwarding service requested, address services requested, or change of service requested.
6. Don't use the USPS change of address cards. The address that you list becomes public record and is commonly used by companies for direct mailings. Contact those companies directly from which you wish to receive mail.

Taking a few minutes now will save you hours spent sorting through piles of mail. You'll save more than just time, however. You'll help save the planet.

Financial success is about more than just how much you save versus how much you spend. To be truly successful and prosperous you have to develop a healthy relationship with money. Goals can help define and create structure in this valuable relationship.

The first step in the goal setting process is to be aware of your current situation and attitudes about money. You must learn to trust yourself and life to give you what you need. With money comes power, and this can create problems for people who are overly controlling or people who fear power because they think it will change who they are. Develop a personal reason for wanting to become more successful that goes beyond the obvious (safety, security, happiness) such as improving self worth or creating personal boundaries. Just like a love relationship, value what money gives you, communicate openly, and spend time learning and educating yourself about money.

The next step is to dream. We call this the "Great Result", and you must be able to envision and imagine all possibilities. Use your mind to creatively build your ideal world and allow no limits. What does it look like? How does it feel?

If you need, help try this simple exercise: Write down what you want and what you don't want. Keep the exercise light and playful and allow it to grow. Once you get your dream envisioned, put it into words. "I am debt free. I have a life of beauty and simplicity, and I engage in enriching relationships. I am abundant. I am wealthy."

The third step is to build a system. Intentional organization delivers the "Great Result", which is the mechanics behind your dream. The system has to be built by you and personalized. Write down bite-sized chunks of repeatable action. Gather tools and people for support; talk to a financial advisor, take classes or hire a coach.

Don't worry about where to start; start where you are. Focus on one thing at a time.

I listened to Michael Gerber, the author of E Myth and Awakening the Entrepreneur Within, share insights into his newest book, How Ordinary People Can Create Extraordinary Companies. Michael's Blog. (then hyper link: http://www.inthedreamingroom.com/shop.html)

Six million new businesses are started every year and 90% fail within two years. "Just because you love what you do-doesn't mean you are an entrepreneur. Single self employment has no capacity to grow...They are a shrink to fit model of ideas and expectations." As Michael Gerber said, "It is a desperate place to be and a tragic position because you are not inspired to go beyond." Growing as an entrepreneur goes far beyond personal growth. "If you open up and awaken to the Creator within, your world is transformed." He calls this Conscious Entrepreneurship, meaning that you have to make your vision BIGGER than earning a living and paying bills.

Michael describes Intentional Dreaming. "There are mechanics to all this. We need to learn to blend engineering with imagination. It starts with a dream and then moves into intentional organization. You make your goal and vision scalable. There is a prototype so you can reproduce it. Once it can be reproduced-you have created abundance on all levels and the idea if you have dreamed it big-will meet your vision."

Be a dreamer: Have a dream and a result in mind. "Dreaming is the act of intention."

Be a thinker: Have a vision and a system for accomplishing your dream. "Engage in the process to reinvent the world."

Be a storyteller: Have a BIG purpose statement.

Be a leader: Have no doubts and know your mission.

So begin to dream big about your work and about your life. Create a system that you can test. Allow imagination and passion to take hold, and realize most profoundly that anything is possible.

Personal Branding is not spin, pretending, or an ego trip. It's simply smart business. 

What is Personal Branding? It's about how you market yourself to the crowd and how that crowd decides to interact with you. It is discovering the core of who you are and being able to express it to people who need to know. If you don't do it, someone else will. First impressions automatically label you. The guys at Tricycle Consulting say, "Your brand is your business. Your brand is the way people feel when they experience your product or service. Your brand is the legacy that people will remember when you're gone.".

Why you need to brand yourself? People buy personalities and ideas long before they buy the product. Tom Peters, a pioneer of personal branding, says "Be distinct or be extinct." Let people know who you are. All of those unique, creative, quirky things you do can work for you in a positive way.

How can you brand yourself? It sounds elementary, but is vital -- find out who you are. Ask people to email five adjectives that describe you and what your value is. Knowing how others perceive you lights up the blind spots within yourself. Are you hiding bits and pieces of yourself or are you too humble to acknowledge your uniqueness? How can you change your perceived liabilities into true assets? Once you are in alignment with yourself it is easy: be a resource for the media, be an expert in your industry, or write an article for a local paper. For more information, visit the people at A Brand You World.

Go all out because it's You, Inc.!

"Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else." -Judy Garland

1. Recognize your WHYS

Getting organized isn't new. It's not just about having more time or money. Essentially, it's about your purpose and intentions. It's about gaining an understanding of yourself, your environment and your life. Why do you want to get organized or clear clutter? What would you have room for if you cleared thoughts out of your mind that are no longer serving you?

2. Clear One Physical Space Every Day

Physical organizing, or movement, helps energize the thinking part of organizing. Begin each day by clearing one physical space (even if you just move the stuff). Then, step back and take it in. Enjoy the feeling of mental clarity, while not worrying about what to do with the stuff. If you can clear one small physical space then you can clear space anywhere, including your mind.

3. Free Your Mind

Think of your mind like a hard disk-it can only hold so much. We often keep thoughts that make us feel less then spectacular. Work through the piles of your mind, just as you do your desk. Getting your thoughts, feelings, memories and plans in order makes clearing the physical spaces much easier. Guaranteed!

4. Hone Your Decision Making Skills

Organizing is mostly about having clarity which enables you to make decisions swiftly. Our self-talk can inhibit this. The process of organizing becomes light and fast when you free your mind because your decision-making is crisp and clear. Become aware of what things are easiest for you to decide on, and then expand your base by easing into more challenging decisions.

5. Spend 15 Minutes Planning

Planning is the cornerstone to reaching goals. For every 5 minutes you spend planning, you save an hour of floundering. For each day, week, and months spend 15 minutes planning the day, week and month. Using a timer for this exercise will help you stay on track.

"What happens if we spent energy developing our strengths instead of fixing our deficiencies?" That is the question asked by the late Donald O. Clifton, the originator of the Strengths movement.

The original goal was to start a global conversation about what's right with people. Using strengths, instead of a weakness focus, indeed leads to employee engagement and improved business outcome in areas that include retention, profitability and productivity.

We rely almost exclusively on Gallup's StrengthsFinder assessement for our clients and staff. It's a powerful way to discover and develop people's potential and unique qualities. As each person gains awareness and education about their own talents, the team and the business gains power. Instead of individuals counter-productively straining against each other, we see a finely oiled machine functioning to full maximum.

Find your unique strengths by buying the StrengthsFinder 2.0 book by Tom Rath and taking the test. The book jacket has a code that will give you access to the online assessment. You will walk through a 30-40 minute timed test--which ensures you don't over-think your answers.

Your top five strengths will be reported to you on-screen and via email. Don't forget to fill out the online Action Plan which gives you all the information you need to begin learning about your strengths, and bolstering them.

Spending time and energy on your talents is a much more worthwhile endeavor than trying to fix or change the core of who you are.

We believe that you have an Executive inside you. Yes, you are the Executive of your own life.

You are the only one that can move your arms and legs, make your mouth talk, think with your brain. No one else. Only you. No cop outs. No excuses.

Executive functions are a must for goal-directed behavior. They include the ability to initiate and stop actions, to monitor and change behavior as needed, and to plan future behavior when faced with novel tasks and situations. Executive functions allow us to anticipate outcomes and adapt to changing situations.

Each of us uses our executive functions in reasoning and thought process every day. Again, what does this prove? That you are your own top-level decision-maker carrying out a vision for your life.

So what does this all mean for you? Tag, you're it.

Successful business owners devote regular amounts of energy and time managing the day-to-day fluctuations of their cash. And they sleep better simply because they know. It's the not-knowing that drives most owners to getting less sleep--and therefore having less health.

Cash Flow Analysis sounds mysterious, and to some novice owners it sounds like something they might not have any skill to do so they avoid it. Whether or not you have the skill is not relevant, really. You own a business, therefore, continuing to learn about money matters is a must. If this sounds like you, find someone who can teach you how, set up your systems, and learn how to do it. Or, hire them to do it for you.

The simple daily, weekly, or monthly analysis is based on 4 basic elements: your bank balance, the bills you owe, the money owed to you, and the investments and loans in your system. 

The frequency of your analysis is up to the size of your balances and transactions. Small businesses can get away with a weekly or monthly check. Larger businesses are tied to a weekly or daily check. As your business grows, the analysis can get more complicated because there are predictions and budgets involved. 

1. Your Bank Balance: Reconciling your bank account every month is critical. Knowing where      you stand in your bank account gives you the foundation for understanding what the next week's cash needs are. Without it, your foundation is as good as sand.
   
2. Bills You Owe: Otherwise known as Accounts Payable. Bills you owe are the monies that are going out of your business, including payroll, vendors, regular expenses, loan payments, and the monies you owe Uncle Sam.
   
3. Money Owed to You: Known by Bean Counters as your Accounts Receivable. This is what your customers and anyone else owes you.
   
4. Funding from Owners, Investors or Lenders: Leverage your resources by using other people's money to expand your business' reach. Most business' keep their account balances in check by getting help from lenders or investors on a fairly regular basis.

If your cash picture is bleak, denying reality by not looking at it is not helping you. Take charge by building a system for each of the elements, do the calculations, and review it regularly. If you are having trouble with the system creation or making the time--hire it done!

If you build a system, stick with it, and review it, your bleak picture will transform into a fantastic picture. How? Because you will see the bottomline, you will start to make decisions that make cash flow sense. You will get better at collecting payments, cutting expenses, and bringing in revenue. It's just a natural evolution.

Before you know it, it will be a something you look forward to. And then you can take a nap.

For those of you who haven't caught up with a Life Coach, you most likely have some questions about what exactly that is. We've outlined a few questions and answers to help you understand the service a coach provides and the process they follow.

These are actual questions that one of our clients asked when interviewing Life Coach, Sandra Wood.

If I told you that I wanted to have a life makeover, what questions would you shoot back at me? Knowing what you want to change and what goals you have in mind is imperative. What areas of your life need the most focus? What is the most powerful feeling you want to have about your life? (ie, focus, calm, balance?) What kinds of success do you want to achieve?

If I asked you how you could help me to make-over my life, what would you tell me? Coaching is like planning a vacation. First we pick the destination, and then we start to plan the trip. We implement and put into action those steps that get you closer to your goal.

What are the most common issues that clients come to you to help them resolve? Individuals come to coaching to be more productive, organized, focused, balanced and energized. Clients are looking for an accountibility partner who can help them stay on course.

Is it really possible to permanently make over your life, or will you ultimate just fall back into old habits and patterns? You can change habits and patterns with time and consistency. Changing habits and behaviors is a lifelong process but one that is certainly attainable and worth the effort.

What are the first steps to take when you want to make lasting changes? Identify what is most important and you can anchor your changes in something that is meaningful. Understand your values and what you most want out of life. Get very clear about what you don't want.

What are the most common problems that plague the careers of executives, entrepreneurs and decision-makers? Not taking enough time to take care of themselves: emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. Not delegating appropriately. Not knowing how to effectively manage staff. Not completing projects and staying focused on one thing at a time.

What roadblocks do people deal with when making changes? Simply stated it is a lack of awareness around their thought process, belief system and emotional state of their lives. Old habits and patterns without a plan to change will continue to prevail. Changing your life is a process that can be addressed one step at a time.

What am I looking for when selecting a coach? Make sure you find a good fit for your personality and skill set. Each coach brings certain strengths to their approach. In any situation, your coach should focus on helping you set realistic attainable goals and plans, and be your accountibilty partner in making your desired changes happen. Good coaches are positive, have a good knowledge base, and show up focused on the most important thing: You! 

Now that you know more about the process of Life Coaching, find out if it's right for you by taking this quiz.

If you are ready to start, by all means contact sandra [at] innerpathcoaching [dot] com right away!